Haldir's Return
by Shelley
Summary: After the fight in Helm's Deep, Elrond has a very surprising visitor.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The usual stuff: It's all not mine. But it's not Peter Jackson's, either g

Haldir's Return

by

Shelley

It was a beautiful sunny day. Elrond used it to sit on the terrace, dozing a bit. His councillor, friend and secretary, Glorfindel, would soon be standing in front of him, blocking out the sun and annoying him with "matters that cannot be delayed" anyway. But for the moment, Elrond just wanted to rest. Too often he wondered whether it had been a mistake to send so many Elves of Rivendell and Lothlórien to Helm's Deep and to death. He was glad that he had forbidden Elladan and Elrohir to accompany the warriors to Helm's Deep. At least they had not been taken away from him. Galadriel and Celeborn had had to bear sore losses as well – not least the death of their general and friend Haldir. Their consolation was that they would sooner or later meet again in Valinor – depending merely on when they would decide to leave for the West.

What he had dreaded happened – the sun was suddenly blocked out. With a sigh, Elrond opened an eye and blinked upwards. All he could see was a black figure, as it was standing right in front of the sun.

"Yes, Glorfindel? What is it?" he asked, lamely.

"I am here… behind you." To Elrond's surprise, Glorfindel's voice came from behind, whereas the black shadow said, "It is me. Haldir."

"Well, then, what is it, Haldir?" Elrond repeated, still somewhat sleepily.

Then he jumped up as if he had leaned into a pin. "Haldir!" he breathed as he could finally see the face of the other Elf. Indeed, it was Haldir, the general from Lothlórien – the late general of Lothlórien, Elrond corrected himself. "What… how…" The always dignified Elf lord very nearly lost his poise. "Are you a ghost?" he finally managed.

Haldir, dressed into the grey, low-key robes that he used to wear whenever he was on duty or travelling, smiled slightly. "No, I am no ghost. I was in Valinor – and now I am back. I have returned and am on my way to Lothlórien. If you do not mind, I would like to rest here for a while."

Elrond extended his arms and laid his hands on Haldir's arms to greet him (and to make sure that he was, in fact, real). "But of course you may rest here in Rivendell." And when he was convinced that the general was corporeal, he added, "As long as you wish. I am glad to see you again."

He sat back down and looked over to Glorfindel, who was still standing in the door, watching the scene with a smile on his face. "Please take care that our guest will be appropriately housed, and that his needs will be catered for."

Glorfindel nodded but remained where he was. Usually, there would be further orders sooner or later. Besides, he didn't want to miss anything. For one thing, he was very curious, and he was extremely happy to see his old friend Haldir again.

"But now you have to tell me how you managed to return from the Halls of Mandos", Elrond finally asked. Glorfindel listened up. He was eager to hear the answer as well, especially as he himself had returned after his fall to death, back in the First Age.

But Haldir waved the question aside. "Oh… well, I asked politely whether there was any possibility of return – after all, I was loth to leave Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn without my protection – and the Valar agreed."

"Just like that?" Elrond asked, fascinated.

Haldir tautened, raised his head and assumed his most dignified posture. "The Valar have seen the necessity of my presence in Lothlórien to ensure the safety of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn", he said proudly.

Elrond nodded. He was very impressed. This sort of thing happened very rarely. But before he could answer, there was a slight cough from Glorfindel's direction. "Indeed?" The blond Elf asked at once, standing free of the door frame now. Slowly, grinning mischievously, he came towards Elrond and Haldir. "Are you certain it happened like that, Haldir? Are you really certain?"

Elrond shook his head and was about to apologize for his councillor's strange behaviour when he realised that Haldir had lost his dignified posture and blushed a bit. Inquiringly, Elrond looked from the one to the other. "Did I miss something?"

"I don't know…", Glorfindel answered, still looking at Haldir with his strange knowing smile. "Haldir, my friend, why don't you repeat the exact wording of your conversation with the Valar for us?"

Now Haldir definitely slouched a bit, looking no longer dignified in the least.

"Very well, it didn't happen quite as I said." He looked apologetically at Elrond, who raises his eyebrows, questioningly.

Haldir cleared his throat. "Well, to be honest, I am standing here because the patience and forbearance of the Valar is not unlimited."

Elrond shook his head slightly to show that he still didn't understand. But in his heart, he was unsettled a bit. Whatever had the elf done?

But Haldir grinned mischievously. "Well, my discussion with the Valar actually went like this:

'May I go back?'

'No.'

'May I go back?'

'No.'

'May I go back?'

'No.'

'May I go back?'

'No.'

…

…

(Two days later)

'May I go back?'

'We'll think about it.'

(Half a day later… I began to lose my voice)

'May I go ba-ack?'

'Fine, fine, but shut up.'"

Elrond had to swallow this. After a while, he regained his composure. "In other words," he said, smirking, "you whined."

Haldir coughed, embarassedly.

"Well," Elrond said in a slightly arrogant tone, "things didn't happen like that back when Glorfindel was there. He didn't have to beg…" While saying this, he had turned to Glorfindel. Now he stopped short, surprisedly asking, "Why are you grinning like that?" As a result, his councillor's grin broadened, rather un-elfishly.

It took a moment before Elrond understood. "Oh no, Glorfindel, don't tell me that you did the same?"

Glorfindel fought against the urge to laugh. "Well… basically…"

Elrond shook his head. "And what about 'the Valar think that I did not yet fulfill my task here'? Isn't that what you told us then?"

Glorfindel smirked. "They asked me to say that… for the sake of their image."

"Their image." Elrond repeated, slowly.

"Well, they have a reputation to protect, after all", Glorfindel explained, patiently. "What would people think if they got to know that all you have to do to get the Valar to make concessions is going on their nerves them?"

Elrond wondered about that for a bit. It sounded credible, though not nearly as heroic as he had believed Glorfindel's return to be, back then.

"Which means", he sarcastically said, looking at the two Elves before him, "that both of you are only here because you are a pain in the neck."

Haldir and Glorfindel looked at each other. Worded like this, it didn't sound great at all.

"Well… maybe… basically", they stammered synchronously. Glorfindel added, nervously, "But that surely won't change our relationship in any way, will it?"

Elrond didn't answer for a moment, just for the dramatic effect. "No, I don't think so. After all, I have known for some thousand years that you are a pain in the neck."

"Ah, then all is well", Glorfindel said in relief. Then the full meaning of the sentence hit him. "Hey…", he complained, his brow furrowed, which provoked a grin from Elrond.

Then the Elf lord turned back to Haldir. "Are you the only warrior of Helm's Deep who was returned?"

Haldir nodded. "Yes. The others decided that they had practically taken a shortcut, considering they would have taken the journey to the West soon anyway. But…" he produced some scrolls of parchment, "many gave me lists…" Haldir looked down on the scrolls and handed some of them over to Elrond. "They wrote down which of their personal effects they want you to bring. The other scrolls are for the Elves of Lothlórien."

Elrond looked down at the parchment in confusion. As far as he knew, this was the first time that people sent wish lists from Valinor. He glanced at the script. Elohin, a friend of his sons, asked them to bring his favourite harp and his custom-made good robes. "Oh well", Elrond thought with a smile, "he always was a bit vain." Neodir asked someone to bring his toy warg, and it was hard for Elrond to remember that the petitioners were all battle-hardened warriors.

"Well", he finally said, rolling up the parchments and stowing them away in his robes, "I shall take care that all will be done satisfactorily. What else can I do for you?"

Haldir cleared his throat. "Well, it would be very kind if you didn't tell the Lady Galadriel and the Lord Celeborn just HOW I returned. That would be very awkward, wouldn't it." Embarassedly, he looked at the Elf lord, who smiled drily.

"I think that would be possible. But you owe me a favour now."

Haldir breathed in relief. "I thank you. If you permit, I would like to clean myself up, now."

Elrond nodded, friendly, and Haldir hurried off.

Glorfindel made to follow him when his Lord held him back. "Not so hasty, my friend", Elrond smiled.

Glorfindel stood and looked at the tips of his shoes, embarrassedly, before grinning lopsidedly and looking at his friends. "You like that, don't you?"

Elrond nodded, grinning as well. "Oh yes. You can say that again. Now there's something I can tease you with – for the rest of your immortal life…"

TBC

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	2. Chapter 2

Elfy 13: But you did notice that the story is published in the "humor" section? twinkle  
Arielle, i, Ellfine: Thanks so much for your nice reviews! I'm glad you liked the chapter! And now all the same from the Valar's point of view:

Chapter 2

At about the same time, in Valinor:

"Has he left?"

"Yes, a few days ago", Mandos answered without looking up from the book he was reading. He didn't need his brother Lórien, the Lord of Dreams, to say whom he was speaking about.

Lórien entered the hall, looking around carefully. But there truly was no one except Mandos. "That was… quite… something, this Haldir person."

"Yes indeed", Mandos replied with a sigh, massaging his temples.

"And yet, why did you let him go?"

"He threatened to start singing."

"Oh…"

"Exactly."

"Reminds me of that Glorfindel guy, back in the day. It's been a while since…" Lórien mused.

Mandos frowned. "If that had been all… that guy actually tried to get into my pants. Whenever I manifested in corporeal form, these curious elf fingers were all over me. I finally had enough and sent him back to Middle-earth."

Lórien sniggered. Of course he remembered. But he had another question. "But why didn't you give them mortal lives, just as you did with Lúthien?"

"Do you have the slightest idea how soon they had been back here, then?" Mandos coughed. "And then it would have started again."

"I see, that makes sense." Lórien pondered for a moment. "And why did you give only a mortal life to Lúthien? I mean, they all say that she moved you to pity, but both of us know that it should actually be 'drove you insane'." Lórien unhappily remembered that it had been the first time for him, the Lord of Dreams, to have a nightmare.

Again, Mandos frowned for a moment, remembering Lúthien's song which had resembled the song of mating cats, but then he grinned. "Are you asking in earnest? I mean, you saw her. Pretty poppet, and those boobs... if only I knew how to keep her from singing…"

Both Valar were silent for a while before turning back into the beings of spirit they usually were, returning to their duties, hoping that they wouldn't have to deal with this – fortunately rather rare – species of Really Annoying Elves…

End


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